Following four years of marriage unknowingly to a Psychopath, I barely resembled the woman I once was. Prior to the Psychopath I was happy, outgoing, accomplished, confident, physically fit, financially secure, caring, friendly and loving. Now some other woman had taken her place. This other woman was unhappy, unfriendly, stressed, anxious, depressed, overweight, insecure, confused, friendless, tired, emotionally frazzled, broke and she no longer trusted herself. The Last Step is dedicated to providing information, support and empowerment to women, who are or have been in a relationship with a Psychopathic man.
I Don’t Understand What is Happening
After being married a little over a month he began leaving for days and months at a time. I had no idea where he went or who he was staying with. He would also leave on Christmas and other important holiday’s but never call. He traded his wedding ring in for a gold necklace. He did not think it odd to trade in the wedding ring, it had no sentimental value to him. Had I known anything about psychopaths at the time, this would have been all I needed to exit the relationship. So many unbelievable things happened during the course of our marriage. Each time he left I swore to myself that I would not call him, but because I was dedicated to the marriage I would always give in. Regardless of the reason for his leaving, he would never call me first. I guess that was part of his control – I always had to initiate contact first. It was strange because he would immediately answer, as if waiting by the phone. I felt humiliated that I allowed him to continually toy with me like this.
This is What Happened
For the last four years, I have searched the web tirelessly in an effort to find any information that could possibly explain what I was dealing with. Nothing I came across was remotely similar to what my husband was doing. However, the last time he left I searched pathological liar instead of Schizophrenic. And this time I came across a blog about women in relationship with pathological liars, aka – Psychopaths. As I began to read my heart actually skipped a beat. The more I read, the more relief welled up inside of me. I had finally found someone who had experienced the exact same thing! The overwhelming relief in the form of affirmation and confirmation was all I needed to give me hope and the courage to break the cycle. This new found awareness was nothing short of transformative for me. I yelled out load in my house, “I have been with a Psychopath! He’s a Psychopath!” In one moment I went from wondering what happened, to knowing what happened. There was an explanation and I’m not crazy.
Finding Hope to Facilitate a Change
Next, I came across a site with stories about women who had been devastated by Psychopaths. One by one I read each of them and could not believe the similarities. I could have been any one of those women. I cried tears of relief and thanked the Lord for allowing me to find this information. After that I purchased and down loaded a 265 page book about women in relationship with Psychopaths. It’s called Women Who Love Psychopaths. I immediately began reading it and could not put it down until I was through.
It is simply impossible for me to articulate what this book did for me. When you are in the throws of a relationship like this there is simply no one you can talk to about it. It is crazy making on a different level. As I read this book it was as if someone had taken my life and put it to pen. Nowhere had I ever read anything that came close to what I was experiencing and living with. There is nothing more satisfying and peace giving that finally having confirmation that someone else knows what you are feeling. This information has given me the ability to finally break away and move forward. I am eternally grateful to this author.
As a result of this, I want nothing more than to help inform and bring awareness to women who may not know they are dealing with a Psychopath. Most Psychopaths are not murderers, but they will never-the-less destroy you and your life in immeasurable ways. Women need to adopt new ways of determining suitable partners. This starts with clearly defining her own personal value system and not deviating from it.
What Type of Woman Falls for a Psychopath?
I did, and not surprising there are certain personality traits that a Psychopath looks for in a woman. These women tend to be educated, confident, accomplished, very trusting, very outgoing, attractive, and financially stable. These are not codependent women like many want to suggest. He does not initially approach her from a place of neediness. That will only be revealed after she has been hooked.
Once a woman has been victimized by a Psychopath, the first thing she must do is find the power within herself to go on. Many women have attempted & completed suicide as a result of a relationship with a psychopath. Then she must get him out of her life and immediately begin no-contact and all that entails. Following that she will need to take time to heal. There is no set time frame for the healing process, and each woman is unique.
We are truly survivors in the largest sense of the word. Most of us are traumatized and deeply wounded. This experience shakes us to our very core. We can begin again by educating ourselves, loving ourselves and helping others. God Bless you, you are still here. We are still here and the best is yet to come!